Christmas Funny Verses, Poems, Quotes

Welcome to my Christmas Funny Verses, Poems Quotes Page which brings you the best short funny Christmas poems, verses, messages, sayings

The First day after Christmas 
my true love and I had a fight. 
And so I chopped the Pear Tree down 
and burnt it just for spite. 
Then with a single cartridge 
I shot that blasted Partridge. 
My true love gave to me. 

The second day after Christmas 
I pulled on the old rubber gloves 
and very gently wrung the necks, 
of both the Turtle Doves. 
My true love gave to me. 

The third day after Christmas 
my mother caught the croup, 
I had to use the Three French Hens, 
to make some chicken soup. 
The Four Calling Birds 
were a big mistake 
for their language was obscene. 
The Five Golden Rings 
were completely fake 
they turned my fingers green 
My true love gave to me. 

The sixth day after Christmas 
the Six Laying Hens wouldn't lay, 
so I gave the whole darn gaggle, 
to the RSPCA. 
My true love gave to me. 

On the seventh day after Christmas 
what a mess I found 
All Seven of the Swimming Swans 
had gone and bloomin drowned. 
My true love gave to me. 

The eighth day after Christmas 
before they could suspect. 
I bundled up the Eight Maids-a-Milking, 
Nine ladies Dancing, Ten Lords a-Leaping, 
Eleven Pipers Piping and Twelve Drummers Drumming 
( well actually, I kept one of the drummers ) 
and sent them back collect. 
My true love gave to me 

I wrote my true love, 
"We are through, Love." 
and I said in so many words, 
" Furthermore, your Christmas gifts 
were for the birds." 

Funny Christmas Quotes

People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? 

On Donner, On Blitzen, On VISA!

Enjoy the holly days!

Humbugs Beware!
Christmas cheer is contagious!

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles three things... a rainy day, an ill loved one and tangled Christmas tree lights.

You don't need Visa when you've got Santa! You don't need Santa when you've got Visa! Who needs Santa when you've got Grandma!

If you got everything you wanted for Christmas where would you put it?

Winter is the season to be sneezin'.

Christmas is the season when you buy next year's gifts with this year's money.

He knows if you've been good or bad.  Hope you have a Merry Christmas anyway

Be on the lookout for jolly, old, fat, white-bearded men bearing gifts.

One good thing about Christmas shopping... it toughens you up for the January sales.

Watch where you step. Watch where you go. You may end up under the mistletoe.

Be jolly, by golly.

If ifs, ands and buts were sweets and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas calories don't count!

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first... your money or your feet.

Have a Berry Merry Christmas under the mistletoe.

Is it too late to be good?

This year celebrate a traditional  (British, American etc) Christmas... with the tree from Norway, the ornaments from China, the lights from Japan, and the idea from Bethlehem.

Believe in Santa and charge cards!

Believe in Santa. . . just beclause!

The closer to Christmas, the gooder kids get.

Every year you're bound to hear some youngster say "I wish that Christmas would last all year." What they don't know is that it does. Wait 'til they grow up and have to pay off the credit cards.

Christmas is a claus for celebration.

May you hear those three little words at Christmas:  No Assembly Required!

When riding on a toboggan, watch out for your old noggin'.

Christmas is the time of year when you realize how many people you know and how many sizes you don't.

When you stop believing is when you start getting underwear for Christmas.

Christmas is the season of peace and goodwill till you go shopping and get the bill.

Merry Kissmas with lots of hugs.

The big man is coming and already I'm shedding a tear. I'm just too santamental

Meowy Christ-mouse!

Be naughty and save Santa a trip.

Santa Claws never forgets the cat.

Santa Paws never forgets the dog.

Crowded holiday shopping can cause clausetrophobia.

Isn't it a shame Christmas comes at the time of year when the stores are so


Christmas Funny Verses, Poems, Quotes

If you see a fat man ... Who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red flannel suit, and if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer to pull him along, then lets face it... Your eggnog's too strong!


Christmas time...
When people want their pasts forgotten
and their presents remembered!
Have a Memorable Holiday.

Merry Christmas

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